I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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