Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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