can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
