um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
