he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
