Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
