we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you traded sex for a burrito?
home. puking in laundry basket.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
