Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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