If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
