My balls are so social today.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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