she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
