I want to stick my p in your. b.
false alarm. still invincible.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
