its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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