Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
