let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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