just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Your dad touched me again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
