So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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