I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
