new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
