So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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