god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
