I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
