That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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