arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
