So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
