Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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