maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
