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sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
