Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
