Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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