Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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