Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Randomize
