I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
