the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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