Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
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We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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