so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
