She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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