just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
