well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
