you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
