Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
