You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
