I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
