Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
