Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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