dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
