Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
