Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
