mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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