i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
