But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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