you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
