I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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