Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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