He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
