I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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