if you like me you must not know who I am
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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