Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
