Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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