guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
