I just threw up on my dentist
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Found the puke drawer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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