she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
