The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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