I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
