you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
