Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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