I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
