she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize