She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
