Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
