I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
