I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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