I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I want a musical about memes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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