The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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