Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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