my room smells like sperm. sweet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
