do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
