I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
